I had planned to tell you about Homeopathy. Yet, as I sit down to write this, I am reflecting on how meeting with my estranged biological family this past week for the first time since early childhood has impacted the way I view my own story.
There are three sides to every story when fear is involved. Remember, anger is just fear's protective mechanism. You see there was my mother’s story of my father’s abandonment that I lived with for much of my adult life. Then in my 30’s as my father was dying, I decided to hear his story hoping to understand myself deeper and not become trapped in the old story of being the victim and abandoned.
What I came to understand was that each one of us was a victim. Each one of us became the persecutor and each of us in our own way became the rescuer. I started to see that the relationship I had with myself due to the story that I was abandoned meant I was unworthy (fear).
I turned this fear on myself by pushing myself to great lengths, often to the point of self-harm. I outwardly used that same energy to rescue others from feeling their pain. My mother persecuted my father because she felt victimized herself and would then rescue another human just like him who became my stepdad.
After meeting my father after almost 25 years I came to know “a man.” A man with his own version of my “abandonment story”. I came to the understanding of how the story I hold affects my life and the life of those I am in relationship with when the foundation is fear.
During this current encounter, I thought I was supporting my brother, who never agreed to see my father as he was dying. But this time there was no fear, just the space to show up as me, as love. Able to witness my brother stepping into the awareness that he had always been loved and valued was priceless. ❤️
How much of our relationships are based in fear? What if he leaves? What if I make him mad? What if she doesn’t like me? What if I say something wrong? How does all of this affect my body and my health?
Remember that our beliefs affect 1400 chemicals in our bodies! What if I were to shift my perception from fear to love? But love for me first. Cause no harm to me first. How would this shift my relationships with others?
When I started asking this question and living the answer, I was not prepared for how my world would fall apart. But where there is an end, there is always a beginning. And the beginning would prove to show me even more love BECAUSE I was willing to receive more love. I valued me.
When I feel depleted by a relationship, I first ask myself how have I allowed myself to become depleted? What has gone unnoticed that I need to notice? Am I tending to the relationship with myself in a joyful way? Am I choosing relationships that bring more joy than pain? Relationships that are more obligations leave me feeling depleted.
How about you? What obligation(s) are you keeping that do not serve you? Chances are if it doesn’t serve you, it will not serve the person you feel obligated to either, as a large part of us then becomes absent in the relationship.
Here is a review of the victim triangle.
Remember that what holds the triangle together is FEAR!
Ask yourself “WHAT IF THERE WAS NO ONE TO BLAME…NOT EVEN MYSELF? This shifts fear and opens up choices instead of giving power away or abusing it.
Chances are the outcome for all involved will serve everyone. Even if the initial impact doesn’t feel that way. When we release ourselves from the triangle, we also release others in the way we create relationships with them.
Todd and I both thank you for watching the film Out of The Darkness. If you haven’t yet, here is the link:
Stay tuned! There will be a part 2!
Leave us some comments. See if you can see all the layers of the Victim triangle in the film. Can you see the layers of the individual’s pain and how this continues to contribute to the pain in circles of relationships and then into the world? Big stuff! The bravest, most heroic thing we can do is to feel.
In love and gratitude to each of you.
Laurie
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